Moderation
“Often we cannot pinpoint where that subtle shift occurred. The point where we stopped drinking for pleasure and instead began drinking to fill the hole alcohol created.”
-Annie Grace
I tried for many years to moderate my drinking, and for a long time, I was able to, or did I? The problem, it’s tough to moderate an addictive substance. So over time, I slowly increased my intake, and then I started to drink to relieve stress and anxiety.
Moderation can work, but you have to be highly disciplined. Considerations that you must be aware of to successfully moderate alcohol:
You will always be making decisions. This can lead to Decision Fatigue.
Drinking one drink usually makes you feel tired, and your body usually wants another drink because your body becomes chemically imbalanced and seeks to keep your body in homeostasis.
Alcohol Impairs your ability to stick with your decisions. It changes the way you think. So it is much harder to say no.
Alcohol makes you thirsty. So you want another drink.
It numbs your senses and how you respond to normal stimuli. Over time, normal activities that you enjoy will become dull. Why? Because alcohol is an anesthetic and you cannot selectively numb your feelings.
Over time, your tolerance increases, and you won’t even get pleasure from alcohol.
For me, moderation did not work, and not for lack of trying. I tried for seven years! I made up so many rules. Here are a few of them:
1. Never drink on Mondays (unless it was a holiday that I had off).
2. Only drink on Fridays & Saturdays, over time, that turned into drinking 4 or 5 days a week.
3. Fridays - it's 5 o'clock somewhere starting at 3. Have two beers out, and come home and have a couple more.
4. Don't drink on Saturday if you drink on Friday night. Over time that rule just disappeared.
5. Never drink on Sundays. Over time that rule just disappeared.
6. Always have a glass of wine when you pay the bills.
I had convinced myself that moderation was the thing to do. I had no rock bottom. I just felt horrible all the time. I was fearful that my life would suck without alcohol.
I had been so hypnotized by all the messages I had received since I was a small child. Adults were having drinks on Friday nights. Television and movies showed me glamorous characters. They always had a lovely glass of wine or a glass of scotch. Alcohol advertisements during sporting events present a life of fun when you drink and celebrate your team. As I got older, teenage drinking was in all the movies I watched, and me and some (most) of my friends emulated it. It just continued as I got older. Parties always involved alcohol. We all followed the "drink responsibly" slogan. Staying the night and not driving, but someone was often getting sick. But, I remember times that we didn't "drink responsibly," and thank God we didn't get in an accident and hurt someone else or ourselves.
For me, moderation was never going to work because there came a point when my drinking changed. I started to drink to relieve stress. But unfortunately, studies have shown that addiction is created once you cross that line.
When I took a break initially, almost 2 years ago, all I wanted to do was prove to myself that I could take a break. If I could, that would mean that I could go back to drinking normally. I so desperately wanted to drink like all my peers. The problem is I don't know what my friends' drinking habits at home really were like. They didn't know mine. I seemed like a "normal" drinker. A couple of drinks a night and more on the weekend. People didn't know how stressed I was and didn't know how bad my anxiety and depression were. I always put on a good front. I might have a night when I would be over-served, but who hasn't, right?
Around the two-week mark of my break, I had finished reading This Naked Mind, and I was starting to really feel good. Thoughts of never having to have another drink were actually happening. But so were thoughts of getting a rewarding drink at the end of the challenge. It was a confusing time. A mental tug of war to drink or not to drink?
Meanwhile, I was still reading all the posts in the online groups I was following. Listening to live coaching sessions encouraged me onward on my journey. I would come across posts that started like this, "I was doing so great, I took a 30(60,90) daybreak and thought I could just moderate. Well, my drinking habit is right back to where I was at. Starting over. Today is my day 1 again." Again? I kept reading these posts repeatedly, and I knew this would be me if I tried to moderate. So, I kept going. I finished a 21 day reset and finished out the month. Then, I did the Free 30 Day Alcohol Experiment. This was followed by 100 Days of Lasting Change, to let's keep going for a year, and then I would evaluate my relationship.
Over that year, I read hundreds of posts that said, "Another Day 1, I thought I could moderate, but over time my drinking would slip right back to drinking way too much. Why do I do this? Why can't I just stop?" This is not any of these people's fault. Their primitive brains are doing what they are supposed to do. Our subconscious part of our brain believes that alcohol is still needed, and there is still a belief that having a drink will fill a want. You see, I think that all these wonderful people are drinking to still numb some pain or fear. Moderation is really hard because of those neural pathways that are so ingrained into our brains. The pathways never go away. You can create new neural pathways, but the old ones are still there, and if you open the door, your primitive brain will walk you right back to where you started and fast.
If you choose to try to moderate, go in with eyes wide open and be prepared to continue to make a lot of decisions around alcohol. I thought life without alcohol would be boring and unfulfilled. I was so wrong. My life is so much better now. I feel better, look better, and I don't miss alcohol at all. ❤️ I can have a drink whenever I want one. I am just choosing not to drink right now because I feel so good without it!
There is a growing movement of sober curious people! People who are questioning their drinking and wanting control back. Connection is the key to success in taking a break. I’m putting together a small group to go through The Alcohol Experiment in March with group coaching each week!
This program is for those who don’t want to be in a large group or on Facebook. 😊
I’m inviting you to join me for 30 days to take a break from alcohol and learn all about why you drink-the science—starting March 1st; this will be a small group, and slots are limited. Sign up for a Free Discovery call today!