I could feel the heat and anger rise! I just wanted to work out. Why can't my remote be where I left it? Just put it back. After 15 minutes of looking and searching the couch cushions, I went to ask for help. I went to my husband's office.

I yelled something to the effect of, "I am 'blanking' sick to death of having to look for the remote every morning!" "You need to tell your son if he wants to watch t.v. that he needs to put the remote somewhere it can be found!"

This is how I would often greet my husband at 6:00 am or 5 pm when he would arrive home from work. My temper at times was like a lightning bolt! I could be set off by the littlest of frustrations!

I tried for many years to moderate my drinking, and for a long time, I was able to, or did I? The problem, it’s tough to moderate an addictive substance. So over time, I slowly increased my intake, and then I started to drink to relieve stress and anxiety.  

For the longest time, I struggled with the thoughts, "Am I drinking too much? "Am I an Alcoholic?" But, the word didn't fit. I wasn't missing work, no DUI, my relationships were good, and I wasn't drinking any more than my peers.

Well, it's the week in-between Christmas and New Year's. How do you feel? Are you excited about the New Year approaching - it's a clean slate and the possibilities abound! Or are you a little blue about the festivities coming to an end? Do you have dread of the next year? Will this year be the same?

There is so much talk about self-care. I never thought of exercise as self-care. My idea of self-care was a glass or two of wine. I felt that 20 minutes of release that I got was worth it. At first, that rush was worth it. But little did I know that those drinks were causing so much chaos internally. I mean, red wine is good for us, right? (The answer is no, but that is for another blog post!)

When a person decides to take a break, moderate, or quit drinking, it takes effort. When I first took a break, I researched programs. Just like I did fitness programs and healthy eating plans. I decided that I would commit to a break. I signed up for a program that was all about grace, compassion and judgement free and then did the work. Did I do everything? No. But I did do a lot of it, and I made it through 21 days! The next step was 30 days alcohol-free. I then continued another 30 days alcohol-free, then 100 days until I hit my goal of a year alcohol-free. By then, I felt so good that I didn't want to go back to my old lifestyle—with each step, I built stronger mental muscles. You have to use tools and tactics to keep you going forward to your goal.

It’s Thanksgiving week, and I have been reflecting on all I’m am grateful for in my life. Going alcohol-free has opened up so much in my soul. This process has opened my mind to curiosity about all things in life. I’m grateful for becoming more mindful and more present in my life.

Let’s talk moderation. Many of us want to moderate our drinking, and many people can. You know, take it or leave it. As a society, we are told there are “Alcoholics,” and everyone else is a “Normal” drinker. This thought process is perpetuated by advertising, social media, and our family and friends. So, when a person has issues with moderating their drinking, it becomes you have a problem with alcohol.