Are you Losing It too?
I could feel the heat and anger rise! I just wanted to work out. Why can't my remote be where I left it? Just put it back. After 15 minutes of looking and searching the couch cushions, I went to ask for help. I went to my husband's office.
I yelled something to the effect of, "I am 'blanking' sick to death of having to look for the remote every morning!" "You need to tell your son if he wants to watch t.v. that he needs to put the remote somewhere it can be found!"
This is how I would often greet my husband at 6:00 am or 5 pm when he would arrive home from work. My temper at times was like a lightning bolt! I could be set off by the littlest of frustrations! I hated my temper! I’m a Christian and I’m suppose to be kind, loving and patient. My temper caused my family pain and gave me tremendous shame and guilt around my behavior. I have tried to work on it over the years. I tried, but I would still lose it. It would happen several times a week.
The crazy wonderful thing that happened when I quit drinking was that over time the "blow-ups" got less and less. Do I still lose it? Yes! The great thing now is that when I start to escalate, it isn't as bad. I can step back. I can remove myself from the situation. I ask questions. I can be the observer of the situation.
Matt, my husband, often comments on how much better I am handling parenting situations. I also check in with him and ask, "Was that better?" "Was I out of line?" "Was I wrong?" I'm also better at receiving constructive criticism and willing to say, "I was wrong." "I'm sorry."
Removing alcohol literally removed the irritation I was constantly feeling. You see, alcohol is a toxin. It causes your brain chemistry to change and be in an altered state. This altered state lasts while our brain and body try to get back to homeostasis. It takes between 7-10 days for the effects of alcohol to be completely out of our systems. I had no idea.
I was in a chronic low level state of anxiety all the time because I drank almost daily. My low level of anxiety was like the pilot light in our gas furnace during winter, just waiting for the temperature to drop and ignite.
Alcohol did so much to me internally that it started to come out of me externally! Why does drinking make us more angry and aggressive? Because alcohol messes with our brain chemistry. According to Drink Aware UK, there are several ways:
Alcohol narrows our attention spans, and people who are drinking cannot see the big picture.
Alcohol affects the way we process and interpret information.
Alcohol takes away your inhibitions.
When you drink, you don't think about your actions or the consequences of those actions. If you are drinking, the decision-making part of your brain is affected, and you do things that you wouldn't normally do! This is why there are so many bar fights. It's just science. When you drink a small amount of alcohol, it makes you feel like you are relaxing. What it's really doing to your brain is it is slowing everything down. It slows down warning signals, making people more confrontational, and sometimes individuals will get into dangerous situations.
The CDC reports that an estimated 88,000 people die every year due to alcohol-related issues, including homicide, sexual assault, intimate partner violence, and suicide. Also, The American Society of Addiction Medicine notes that between 28% and 43% of violent injuries, and 47% of homicides, alcohol has been estimated to be involved.
But now you are thinking, "Amy, I quit drinking, so why am I still angry?"
If you are in the 5-10 days, the alcohol and the effects of the drug are still coming out - you are having withdrawal symptoms. You are irritable, and you have a short temper. I also want to add that if you have been drinking for 20 years- that's 7300 days and you are on day 10 or 15. It takes time. For me, letting go of rage took about 6 -8 weeks. I would ask, "Why am I still angry?"
Two reasons
First reason, still, the answer was homeostasis. You have brain chemicals that are still trying to balance back out for months or even years. I have read that it can take anywhere from 6 months to 2 years for your brain to rebalance.
The second reason is if you haven't been feeling your feelings for a very long time, they have not been processed, and can take some time to get them out. I want you to understand this is all so very normal! You need to work on getting these feelings/emotions/energy out of your body. Walking/exercise, prayer/meditation, breath-work, & Tapping are all things that I still do.
There are now studies that show that meditation and breath-work are more effective than prescription meds. I'm not against medication at all! I'm on an antidepressant, and you know what? Since I quit drinking alcohol, it works!
Through all of this, you need to remember to give yourself grace and compassion! You are human, and this isn't your fault. You just have to reprogram your hijacked dopamine system. I'm here to help.
Who do I work with? I help high-achieving Christian Women who are feeling stuck in a cycle of shame and blame when it comes to their relationship with alcohol. From the outside looking in, it would appear that they have "everything put together," but on the inside, they're struggling between a deep desire to be in full alignment with God and then feeling trapped in a cycle of using alcohol in a way that's no longer serving them. My expertise is in helping women understand the reasons why we drink. Once a woman knows the truth about alcohol and the next best steps to true freedom, she can create a life filled with the abundance & blessings she's always wanted.
Are you ready? Do you want what I have - Real FREEDOM? Sign up for a free discovery call, and if we decide to work together, I will bonus you one free hour session if you book 12 weeks.