Today, I wanted to share a little about the last 12-13 weeks. I have been working with an amazing group of Christian women, who, like me, found themselves addicted to alcohol. It has been an ongoing journey of discovery, and learning to let go of something that we have been conditioned to do. It isn’t their fault they became addicted to a highly addictive substance. Wine is no longer serving them, and this happens to many of us in mid-life. Taking a break from alcohol has so many health benefits—from sleeping better and weight loss to less anxiety and depression. And, for me, a richer, more fulfilling relationship with my Creator. Alcohol dampens everything. When you are comfortably numb, you are numb to everything, and that includes your connection with God. We have been working through a beautiful devotional called "The Plans He Has for Me" and a 13-week program called "Choose Freedom." It has been life-changing, and I truly believe that these women are going to let go of alcohol completely. But, it takes time.

You Can Do Anything You Use To Do Drinking Alcohol Free - Like Going To A Concert!

Last Friday night, we went to the Walker Hayes Concert! We are still doing the things we love to do AF!

Don’t believe the lie that you can’t have fun without alcohol! Be a Sober Rebel! Going against the grain!

It’s all about your mindset!

Why Can’t I Get This? Why Am I Falling Apart?

In the fall of 2015, I was at home. The kids had left for school. It was a very dark time for me. I was full of emptiness, Calling out for help. Dark thoughts of wishing I was dead or never born were swarming in my head. (My own George Bailey moment.) Praying for God to help me. I called Matt. “I can’t go to work. I need help!” I couldn’t move. I just sat and cried.

I got into counseling finally at age 47. Things got better. I gained tools to help me, but the one thing I needed to release was still in the room. The one thing I still leaned on and went to was alcohol. I never shared with my therapist that I was using alcohol to numb out from my own internal disappointment in my life.

I could feel the heat and anger rise! I just wanted to work out. Why can't my remote be where I left it? Just put it back. After 15 minutes of looking and searching the couch cushions, I went to ask for help. I went to my husband's office.

I yelled something to the effect of, "I am 'blanking' sick to death of having to look for the remote every morning!" "You need to tell your son if he wants to watch t.v. that he needs to put the remote somewhere it can be found!"

This is how I would often greet my husband at 6:00 am or 5 pm when he would arrive home from work. My temper at times was like a lightning bolt! I could be set off by the littlest of frustrations!

You step out in faith.

You set a goal, and you work hard. You get want you wanted and celebrate! Then, you see your beautiful goal in your hands, and just like sand, it falls through your fingers. There is nothing you can do but feel the disappointment and learn from it. But disappointment is hard to handle at any age, even at age 54.

You know that, ethically, you would not work that way. You've worked for corporations. You know contracts can be signed and rescinded at any time. The day before you are to start, in fact, hours actually. Ouch, that hurt! We live in a world of nuance, and sometimes the world you have left in the far past steps up and says, "hello, it's not personal, it's business."

888 DAYS AF!

As my son says, "It's all about the GAINS!"

But when I thought about quitting alcohol, it was all about deprivation! Like many of us, I was focused on what I would have to give up. A completely normal response, by the way.

I was so scared to give up my wine or craft beer because how would anything be fun without alcohol?

How could I socialize without a glass of wine in my hand?

How could I get through events without a beer?

How could I go on vacation?

Finally, how would I be able to toast my kids and their new spouses at their weddings?

I was fixated on missing out! I mean, how can we do anything without a glass or two of wine or a cocktail?

Here we are; it's the 4th of July weekend already! Summer is half over. Next Tuesday, you will see all the Back-to-School supplies at Target & Walmart, and Hobby Lobby will have "It's Fall Ya'LL" out, and Christmas decorations will begin to appear! YIKES!

So, we are officially halfway through the year. How do you feel? Are the resolutions from January 1st long gone? Or are you still working on them? 

This year, personal development has been a priority for me. Healthy life changes like drinking more water, getting better sleep (still a work in progress), and making better food choices. Keeping my morning routine. Not beating myself up if something doesn't go the way I want it to.  

802 days AF and still having “firsts”. I went to my first baseball game AF with my son.⚾️🏟 Mother’s Day Gift!

For non-Americans, last call for alcohol is the 7th inning and the 7th inning sponsor was Bud Zero. What a hugh culture shift! 💯

Now it is not lost on me that Budweiser wants to make $$s, but they are listening to consumer demand. 👏👏👏 Did I have one? No, but the choice was available to me.

Were people still binge drinking all around us. Yes. Did it bother me? 🤨No. Would this have been different experience 700 days ago? Yes. Because 700 days ago I was a different person with new neural pathways. Would I have been tempted back then? Maybe. 🤷‍♀️

The Battle is REAL.

Cravings are the ongoing battle of your conscious mind versus your subconscious brain. The conscious mind has a desire to lose weight, so you make a decision to say NO to the Oreos or the glass of wine; but you may notice, as soon as you decide to not have something, the “craving brain” of the subconscious mind makes you believe that all you want is the thing you said you’re not going to have. It is maddening!

Last week, I celebrated 2 years of living an alcohol-free life. GO ME! My 2nd Adversary or my Soberversary! I'm not a huge fan of the word sober, but I'm starting to be okay with it over time. I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD NOT DRINK, but I no longer drink now, and I love it. Finally, I have the life I always wanted. I'm living in the now!

Many things are happening to me, and it can be overwhelming at times! I have started a new course to become certified as a Christian Mental Health Coach, and I'm really excited about it! I'm volunteering in an Alcohol-Free Group, working my regular job, and trying to get my website and coaching business up and running while balancing family life. That sounds like a lot, and I'm okay with it all. I have been told no more unless I cut something out by my husband.

I tried for many years to moderate my drinking, and for a long time, I was able to, or did I? The problem, it’s tough to moderate an addictive substance. So over time, I slowly increased my intake, and then I started to drink to relieve stress and anxiety.  

For the longest time, I struggled with the thoughts, "Am I drinking too much? "Am I an Alcoholic?" But, the word didn't fit. I wasn't missing work, no DUI, my relationships were good, and I wasn't drinking any more than my peers.

Well, it's the week in-between Christmas and New Year's. How do you feel? Are you excited about the New Year approaching - it's a clean slate and the possibilities abound! Or are you a little blue about the festivities coming to an end? Do you have dread of the next year? Will this year be the same?

When a person decides to take a break, moderate, or quit drinking, it takes effort. When I first took a break, I researched programs. Just like I did fitness programs and healthy eating plans. I decided that I would commit to a break. I signed up for a program that was all about grace, compassion and judgement free and then did the work. Did I do everything? No. But I did do a lot of it, and I made it through 21 days! The next step was 30 days alcohol-free. I then continued another 30 days alcohol-free, then 100 days until I hit my goal of a year alcohol-free. By then, I felt so good that I didn't want to go back to my old lifestyle—with each step, I built stronger mental muscles. You have to use tools and tactics to keep you going forward to your goal.

It’s Thanksgiving week, and I have been reflecting on all I’m am grateful for in my life. Going alcohol-free has opened up so much in my soul. This process has opened my mind to curiosity about all things in life. I’m grateful for becoming more mindful and more present in my life.