Today, I wanted to share a little about the last 12-13 weeks. I have been working with an amazing group of Christian women, who, like me, found themselves addicted to alcohol. It has been an ongoing journey of discovery, and learning to let go of something that we have been conditioned to do. It isn’t their fault they became addicted to a highly addictive substance. Wine is no longer serving them, and this happens to many of us in mid-life. Taking a break from alcohol has so many health benefits—from sleeping better and weight loss to less anxiety and depression. And, for me, a richer, more fulfilling relationship with my Creator. Alcohol dampens everything. When you are comfortably numb, you are numb to everything, and that includes your connection with God. We have been working through a beautiful devotional called "The Plans He Has for Me" and a 13-week program called "Choose Freedom." It has been life-changing, and I truly believe that these women are going to let go of alcohol completely. But, it takes time.

Why Can’t I Get This? Why Am I Falling Apart?

In the fall of 2015, I was at home. The kids had left for school. It was a very dark time for me. I was full of emptiness, Calling out for help. Dark thoughts of wishing I was dead or never born were swarming in my head. (My own George Bailey moment.) Praying for God to help me. I called Matt. “I can’t go to work. I need help!” I couldn’t move. I just sat and cried.

I got into counseling finally at age 47. Things got better. I gained tools to help me, but the one thing I needed to release was still in the room. The one thing I still leaned on and went to was alcohol. I never shared with my therapist that I was using alcohol to numb out from my own internal disappointment in my life.

888 DAYS AF!

As my son says, "It's all about the GAINS!"

But when I thought about quitting alcohol, it was all about deprivation! Like many of us, I was focused on what I would have to give up. A completely normal response, by the way.

I was so scared to give up my wine or craft beer because how would anything be fun without alcohol?

How could I socialize without a glass of wine in my hand?

How could I get through events without a beer?

How could I go on vacation?

Finally, how would I be able to toast my kids and their new spouses at their weddings?

I was fixated on missing out! I mean, how can we do anything without a glass or two of wine or a cocktail?

Here we are; it's the 4th of July weekend already! Summer is half over. Next Tuesday, you will see all the Back-to-School supplies at Target & Walmart, and Hobby Lobby will have "It's Fall Ya'LL" out, and Christmas decorations will begin to appear! YIKES!

So, we are officially halfway through the year. How do you feel? Are the resolutions from January 1st long gone? Or are you still working on them? 

This year, personal development has been a priority for me. Healthy life changes like drinking more water, getting better sleep (still a work in progress), and making better food choices. Keeping my morning routine. Not beating myself up if something doesn't go the way I want it to.  

Last week, I celebrated 2 years of living an alcohol-free life. GO ME! My 2nd Adversary or my Soberversary! I'm not a huge fan of the word sober, but I'm starting to be okay with it over time. I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD NOT DRINK, but I no longer drink now, and I love it. Finally, I have the life I always wanted. I'm living in the now!

Many things are happening to me, and it can be overwhelming at times! I have started a new course to become certified as a Christian Mental Health Coach, and I'm really excited about it! I'm volunteering in an Alcohol-Free Group, working my regular job, and trying to get my website and coaching business up and running while balancing family life. That sounds like a lot, and I'm okay with it all. I have been told no more unless I cut something out by my husband.

I tried for many years to moderate my drinking, and for a long time, I was able to, or did I? The problem, it’s tough to moderate an addictive substance. So over time, I slowly increased my intake, and then I started to drink to relieve stress and anxiety.  

It’s Thanksgiving week, and I have been reflecting on all I’m am grateful for in my life. Going alcohol-free has opened up so much in my soul. This process has opened my mind to curiosity about all things in life. I’m grateful for becoming more mindful and more present in my life.

Let’s talk moderation. Many of us want to moderate our drinking, and many people can. You know, take it or leave it. As a society, we are told there are “Alcoholics,” and everyone else is a “Normal” drinker. This thought process is perpetuated by advertising, social media, and our family and friends. So, when a person has issues with moderating their drinking, it becomes you have a problem with alcohol.